Brighton and Hove Albion striker Percy Tau has joined Tony Bloom’s Belgian club Union Saint-Gilloise on a season long loan – but it won’t help him secure the work permit he needs to play in Britain.

Tau signed for the Albion last month  for just short of £3m from South African champions Mamelodi Sundowns. The club said at the time that he would spend this season out on loan in Europe in order to gain experience. It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to work out that it is actually because he can’t get a work permit. But playing in Belgian’s second division won’t help him at all.

There are two ways to qualify for a work permit. The first involves a player playing a certain percentage of games internationally for one of the top 50 nations according to the FIFA World Rankings. South Africa are currently well outside the top 50.

The second is via what Bloom described at the recent Fans forum  as a complicated points system process. Except, it isn’t too complicated. If the fee paid for the player would be in the top 80% of the average transfer fee from the previous season, the player can pick up points. Likewise, if his wages are in the top 80%. At a rough estimate, Tau would need to have cost somewhere around £5m – £8m and be on around £20,000-£30,000 a week to earn even a point in those categories.

Further points are available if the player played in at least 30% of available minutes for a club in one of Europe’s top seven leagues or the two best leagues from Central and South America. There are bonus points to be had from playing 30% of available minutes in the Champions League, Europa League and South America’s Copa Libertadores. Unfortunately for Tau, you get nothing for winning the Premier Soccer League.

Much like Britain at Eurovision, Tau is on nil poi, or at least bloody close to nil pois. A season in the Belgian second tier with Union SG isn’t going to change that either as he won’t be playing in one of the top seven European divisions, nor in a continental competition.

The only way Tau is getting a work permit anytime soon is via a drastic improvement in the South African national teams FIFA ranking. They currently sit 74th, some 66 points behind Cameroon in 50th spot. South Africa have games in the next six months against Nigeria at home and Libya and the Seychelles both home and away.

Now, we’re no African footballing experts but given that Libya is war torn and the Seychelles is the sort of place you take you lover on holiday in order to murder her so that your wife doesn’t find out about your illicit affair, it seems unlikely either of those are footballing powerhouses. With four victories out of five, South Africa could crack the top 50 by the end of the 2018-19 and that would allow Tau to play Premier League football in 2019-20.

The Albion must be expecting that to happen as it is hard to see a shrewd owner such as Bloom spending a load of money on a player who can never play in England. Unless of course, that was the plan the whole time – now Union have a striker for the second tier who, according to the estimated transfer values of players in Belgium, would rank in the top 30 most expensive players in the entire country this season.

Perhaps the club mistakenly believed there would be interest in taking Tau on loan from a top flight European team. Or maybe they hope a hatful of goals for Union will spark interest from a Jupiler League side for 2019-20, helping him to qualify for a British work permit from the 2020-21 season. Whatever the reasons, the fact is that without South Africa stringing a series of wins together in the next six months, we won’t be seeing Tau in a Brighton shirt for at least two season.

There is one up side to all this of course. Bloom owning a Belgian club in itself was the perfect excuse to visit Belgium for a weekend to drink 12% beer and eat a load of cheese. Now Tau is over there as well, it seems almost unavoidable. See you on the Eurostar.